Fortnightly Writing Competition: Dwindling Party (Results)

[Baron]

You announce an exciting writing competition theme.  Several friends volunteer to participate.  But then mysteriously they begin to drop out, one by one.  It looks like you have yourself a serious case of...

The Dwindling Party




But that would never happen here.

In all seriousness, the Dwindling Party is a long established trope in fiction.  Done properly, it can be full of mystery and suspense.  But beware of the pitfalls!  Don't kill off your poor Red Shirts before the reader has a chance to empathize with them.  The misfortunes themselves need to blend into the plot, and not be glaringly obvious from the offset.  Three misfortunes, that's possible.  Seven misfortunes, there's an outside chance.  But nine misfortunes-- I'd like to see that!

Entries will probably be judged on the following criteria:

Best Character: the most believable/captivating/magnetic/unique character
Best Misfortune: best death or misfortune that removes a character from the group
Best Atmosphere: the eerie, suspenseful, or possibly comical sense that anyone could be next!
Best Writing: the technical category for polish, word-choice, conciseness, etc.
Best Unpredictability: don't make it obvious who's next, but don't make it so not obvious that it's obvious either.

You have until Monday October 15 to submit a story, poem, or the best dang op-ed piece that anyone will ever read!

Good luck!

[CaptainD]

Interesting theme.  Might see if I can actually get my writing fingers into gear for this one.

I might only be left with one finger to type with though...

[WHAM]

My first read of that subject line made me think of a literal party, with balloons and everything, slowly fading out as people just got bored and left.
Now I want to write a story combining that with the actual horror movie trope and...

I might just participate.

[Baron]

CaptainD got his arm stuck up a vending machine, and WHAM fell into a vat of liquid mutagen.  Sinitrena got stuck on a velcro wall, and Stupot fell down a well.  Mandle got kidnapped by a flock of ravens, and Frodo got thrown into prison for tax fraud.  Kyriakos got sucked into another dimension, while Ponch slipped between the cushions of his lazyboy recliner and hasn't been heard from since.  Who is left to see this competition through to the end, I wonder?  This party is dwindling like the booze ran out....

Something approximating a week left.  Get on your horse and write!

[Mandle]

99 bottles of beer on the wall,
99 bottles of beer.
Take one down,
Pass it around,
98 bottles of beer on the wall.

(Seriously though. I might enter this one... Sounds just like what I love.)

[JudasFm]

CaptainD got his arm stuck up a vending machine, and WHAM fell into a vat of liquid mutagen.  Sinitrena got stuck on a velcro wall, and Stupot fell down a well.  Mandle got kidnapped by a flock of ravens, and Frodo got thrown into prison for tax fraud.  Kyriakos got sucked into another dimension, while Ponch slipped between the cushions of his lazyboy recliner and hasn't been heard from since.  Who is left to see this competition through to the end, I wonder?  This party is dwindling like the booze ran out....

Something approximating a week left.  Get on your horse and write!

Since I'm the only (very occasional) participant who didn't meet a grim fate, it looks like it's going to be up to me to come up with an entry

[Sinitrena]

Sinitrena got stuck on a velcro wall,

More like, Sinitrena's laptop decided to die on her with the strangest error ever and she lost what she had already written. Luckily, the files still exist, the disk seems to be fine and my brother copied all of them on one of his just to make sure, but I don't have access to them right now and only my kindle to write and post on. Which is no fun at all.

Anyways, I did manage to write an alternative.

Depending on your sensibilities and age, this might not be appropriate for you. The title should give you a hint why.

Sperm

Your order, no matter the trials,
is always keep going, is always survive.
No matter what hurts you, no matter your ails.
For our success and new life to thrive.

Of millions and millions it only needs one,
who seems just so weak and has all to gain.
For when all is said and when all is done,
keeping one surviver is worth all the strain.

The first leave too early to find fate in slobber,
millions and millions who don't find the way.
The second wave, so many, are stopped by the rubber.
But some find a hole and decide not to stay.

Your order, no matter the walls,
is always keep going, is always survive.
No matter your host's will, no matter his balls.
For our success and new life to thrive.

They might be diminished but all know their creed,
to fight and survive until all are gone.
It only needs one to keep going, succeed,
and their work is finished and done.

Passing the condom, some still stops the lube.
But the end of their journey will soon be reached.
They find it through cervix, through womb and fallopian tube,
and by one alone the egg is then breached.

Your order, no matter his will,
is always keep going, is always survive.
No matter what stops you, no matter her will.
For our success and new life to thrive.


I'm sorry. I'm annoyed at my computer and when I'm annoyed my writing gets a bit weird.

[Baron]

24 hours left to top that!

[JudasFm]

Can we have an extension? I'm working on an entry for this but it's not quite done (it's very long!) and I have to work late tonight

[Baron]

Very well.  All competitors now have until Thursday Oct 18 to complete their entries.

[JudasFm]

This is going to be a two or three-parter, depending on space. Here's the first part, with the rest coming up later this evening

All done! Not sure how well it worked, but at least I managed to finish an entry for once

Measure of a Man

I

The five people trying to pick their way through the bamboo forest were a long way from home.

It wasn't just the wings and claws on one of them, or the machetes which another was sporting instead of hands; something in the group's entire demeanor and the way they kept looking around gave the definite impression that they weren't local.

As they entered a clearing with a large, flat boulder by a stream, the winged male held up a hand.

"We'll rest here."

"Thank fuck for that." The speaker was the only other male in the group, an olive-skinned, dark haired young man who looked perfectly normal until he opened his mouth. "We've been going since the second sun went down, Dragon."

Dragon folded his arms across a well-toned chest. "If you want to go on back to the labs, Adder, feel free. Take Lightning with you as well; we don't need her."

The blonde girl addressed as Lightning flinched a little, as she always did when anyone except Adder spoke to her, but didn't say anything.

When a few moments had passed in silence, Dragon nodded, satisfied. "Good. As I was saying, we'll rest here. I know more about humans than the rest of you, so I can pass for one without too much trouble. I'll go up and scout around. Bladeâ€"" to the machete-handed femaleâ€" "start clearing a path north. We may need it."

He spread his wings, flapped them slowly once or twice to limber up, then took off, not stopping his ascent until he was some two hundred meters up.

"How exactly is doing that going to help him pass for human?" Adder drawled as he stretched himself over a sun-baked rock, keeping half an eye on the path they'd just come down. "They're not usually found at that altitude, are they?" He yawned, displaying gleaming teeth and incisors that were a little longer and pointier than most people's, then rested his chin on the stone and closed his eyes.  From the outside, it looked like someone had draped a human-skin rug over the boulder.

"If they're not found up there, then he can't run into one, can he?" Blade said testily. The temperatures on the planet of Atthiras were trying her patience, and being turned into a walking bamboo-plow hadn't helped her temper any.

Adder grinned, not opening his eyes. "They could still see him, though.  And besides, haven't you ever heard of hang-gliding?"

One of Blade's hands sliced through a bamboo stalk. "Yeah, well, I pity any human who runs into Dragon, glide-hangers or not."

Adder chuckled low in his throat. "Hang gliding.  Humans tie themselves to a metal framework under a triangle of fabric, then hurl themselves off a cliff and hope they don't crash."

Blade snorted.  "Hardly what I'd consider a sport."

Adder propped himself up on his elbows, looking unusually thoughtful.  "I don't think humans consider anything a sport unless there's a chance of someone being maimed and/or killed at some point."

"Someone being the participants, no doubt." Swish, thwack. Blade was really making some serious headway into the bamboo forest now, and Adder was idly looking forward to the moment when she realized she was going in the wrong direction.

"Maybe. Who cares?" Adder shifted his gaze to his constant companion. "Hey, spark-girl. You doing okay?"

Lightning raised a hand, not in acknowledgment but so she could properly see the white energy that flickered around her fingers.

"Why can I do this and you can't?" Her voice was very quiet. Adder often thought that if Lightning could have communicated without speaking at all, she would have. "Where does this come from?"

Adder shrugged, keeping a wary eye on Lightning as he did so. Electricity was a delicate subject for all of them, being the main source of pain and control the humans used on them.

"No idea. Humans use it to power things and hurt us with it when we do something they don't like. Beyond that your guess is as good as mine, though I'd kill the sparks if you want to get a drink. Unless, of course, you'd rather kill everything in the river."

Lightning shook her head, clenching her fist. The sparks died away and she moved closer to Adder, resting her arms on his back.

Adder had met Lightning in a shuttle depot.  Both created in and on the run from different parts of the same lab, the two of them had helped each other get out alive, and Lightning still relied heavily on Adder to keep them safe despite being by far the more dangerous of the two. He had no idea what kind of training she'd undergone, or who GenTech had planned to sell her to. All he knew was that she was a Project â€" a genetically modified human clone â€" like him, and that was reason enough for them to stick together. They'd made it as far as Atthiras, where the city of Katau was rumored to exist â€" a haven for Projects â€" but instead of finding the city, they'd run into a pack of five other Projects on the same mission and decided to team up with them.

That had been three weeks ago. They'd lost two â€" Winter had been taken by GenTech recovery agents, and Ito had just vanished one night and never been seen again â€" and so far as Adder could tell, they were no closer to Katau than they'd been in the damn labs.

But at least we're free.

He rolled over slightly, enough for Lightning to join him on the rock, and they lay side-by-side in silence for several long, sweet minutes, enjoying the sun on their bodies.

Then they heard Blade scream.

Before she'd finished, Adder had vaulted off the rock, grabbed Lightning and was pushing her toward the forest, away from the path Blade had hacked.

"Go!"

Behind them, people were yelling. Blade was yelling, although Adder didn't think there were words in there.

Lightning stumbled and he grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet and tugging her along, jumping rocks, undergrowth and anything else that looked like it might trip them. He didn't know how long they ran, only that neither of them dared to stop.

It was too much. Adder's legs gave way beneath him and he fell on his side, heavily enough to knock what little wind remained out of his lungs. Lightning dropped next to him, breath rasping in her throat in a series of coughing sobs.

"Ssh!" Adrenalin lent Adder the strength to wrap his free hand over her mouth, his heart hammering so hard he thought the sound would be enough to give them away.

For a long, long time, they lay there, neither daring to move. At last, when an hour or so had passed with no more sound of pursuit, Adder released Lightning and rolled onto his back, one hand resting on his stomach. His muscles felt as though they'd turned to water.

There was a rustle from the bamboo as Dragon landed, carrying an unruffled looking Astra.

"We saw you from above," he said. "Was that Blade?"

Adder nodded, while Lightning squirmed closer and hid her face in his shoulder.

"Too bad. Hope she killed enough of the GenTech bastards to buy us a bit of time." Dragon shook his shoulders out, easing aching wing muscles. "Sleep. Tomorrow we'll move on."

Adder let his head loll back on his neck. He and Blade had never been particularly close, but recapture...no, he wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Now they were four.

[JudasFm]

II

They found the lake on the second day after leaving the clearing. Clear enough to see tiny fish wriggling at the bottom, and enough of a relief after a whole day of moving with nothing to eat or drink that even Astra ran toward it with the other three. There was a large island in the middle of it, big enough for all four of them to rest and relax.

It was early the following evening when it happened. Adder was floating on the water, enjoying the coolness on his skin. Lightning was near him, while Astra and Dragon contented themselves with resting on the island.

Adder was half dozing, more asleep than awake, when Lightning clutched at his shoulder hard enough to dunk him.

"Ow!" Adder surfaced, spluttering and spitting lake water. "Damn, spark-girl, what'sâ€""

Lightning pointed at something beyond his line of sight just as Dragon yelled a warning from the island. Adder pivoted in the water, saw what was waiting around the outskirts of the lake and felt a coldness spread through his body which had nothing to do with the lake.

Humans. Not many â€" maybe about fifteen or so â€" but too many for them to fight.

"They might not be from GenTech," Adder said, although his words sounded hollow even to himself and he was already drawing back. The planet they were on attracted plenty of tourists, but tourists didn't spread out and encircle other people like this. Even as he watched, the first human entered the lake.

Lightning swallowed hard, then looked at him.

"Go to the island."

"What? No! Not without you."

"You have to." Lightning backed toward the island slowly, stopping when the water level had dropped to just above her navel. Sparks began to flicker in her hands. "You said so, didn't you? Electricity kills things in water."

Adder felt his mouth dry up. "I lied, okay? Now get to the island and we can get out of here!"

"That's not going to happen," Astra said quietly. When Adder whirled on her, the female Project nodded toward the other side of the island.

More handlers. More scientists. They were surrounded.

"It'll work, won't it? Adder?"

"No!" Adder grabbed her shoulders, but for the first time, Lightning shrugged him off.

"Yes." Dragon's voice was firm, cold, and there was an odd, hungry light in his eyes as he leaned forward a little. "Do it. Fry the bastards, unless you want them to kill your friend right here."

Adder turned a stunned look on him, then looked back at Lightning, who was edging him toward the island. "At least come with me! You can do this from the island, just put your hand in the water andâ€""

"No time. You're faster, Adder, just go. Please."

Adder reached out again, intending to drag Lightning back to the island with him and damn the consequences, but Dragon seized him from behind and yanked him away so hard he nearly pulled the other Project off his feet.

"Youâ€"get your hands off me!" Adder twisted around, but even holding him with one arm, Dragon was stronger and refused to let go even after they were both on dry land.

"He's clear." Astra said to Lightning, her face as mask-like as ever. "You can kill them now."

Lightning turned to face them, her own face whiter than Adder had ever seen it.

"No." He mouthed the word, shaking his head over and over again. Dragon â€" the bastard, the sick, unfeeling bastard â€" was still holding him in a vice-like grip, and all around he could see the humans closing in, getting nearer and nearer.

One of them lunged forward suddenly and wrapped an arm around Lightning. She shrieked â€" the loudest sound Adder had ever heard her make â€" and plunged both hands behind her, blasting the man with such force his body blew across the lake.

Adder slammed his boot into Dragon's shin and the other Project's grip slackened just enough for him to tear free and run for the lake.

He never made it.

Before he'd gone more than a few meters, Lightning bent down and thrust her hands into the lake.

There was a sound like the world's quietest firework, followed by a cacophony of screams. Adder froze on the bank, torn between his desire to help her and his own survival instinct.

Slowly, Lightning raised her head to look at him.

"It's enough!" Adder yelled at her. If she moved now...Projects were more resilient than humans, maybe there was still hope. "For fuck's sake, spark-girl, you've done it! Get out of there!"

One of the humans took a step toward them and Lightning cringed away from him, then filled the lake with every last drop of power in her, her face twisting with pain and her entire body shaking as she fried in her own trap.

It ended slowly, and silently. Lightning's body stopped vibrating, and she slithered sideways. The water rocked her for a few seconds, then she rolled onto her back and lay there motionless, surrounded by their dead enemies.

Adder dropped to his knees, then onto all fours, staring at the sympathetic earth. Maybe it would know what to do next, because he sure as hell didn't.

Somewhere above him, Dragon sighed. "Thought she'd never get around to it. Let's get moving."

"We're not going anywhere." Adder didn't look at either of the two remaining Projects, didn't even stand up, but something in that low, terrible tone unsettled even Dragon.

"He's right." Astra glanced at Dragon. "We should search the bodies before we go."

Dragon nodded. "Fine. I'll get Lightning's clothes and go through these guys. You make a start overâ€""

"Don't you touch her!!" Forgetting about the possibility of electricity in the water, forgetting everything except the blonde-haired body staring up at the sky through eyes that could no longer see, Adder plunged into the lake. Electricity jabbed into his muscles, but that was alright, that was no worse than the clone prods the damn handlers had used back in the labs. He plowed through the water and grabbed Lightning's body, holding it to him. "She saved our lives!"

"She saved your life, Adder," Dragon corrected him. "We just happened to be in the way. Now she's dead and we're not, so strip her and let's get moving. You can have first pick, since you and she were so close, if you like."

Adder stared at him.  "You sick, twistedâ€""

"She's dead. You can't bring her back, any more than you can bring back Blade or them." Dragon's gesture encompassed the humans now floating lifeless on the surface of the lake. 

Adder was silent for a few moments, then he gently moved Lightning's body away from him. It was a little harder than he'd anticipated; some strands of her hair had ensnared themselves around the buttons on his polo shirt, as though she couldn't bear to be separated from him even in death.

"Blade." His voice was quiet. Was Blade even dead? He thought she probably was, but this was GenTech they were talking about. He couldn't see them pissing profits down the drain, no matter how wild their victim was. More likely they'd try to sedate her or knock her out. Human clones were expensive enough. Modified human clones, like the Projects, were even costlier.

Exactly. They'd want to take her. Take her, and break her. The thought of that breaking and what it would most likely entail was enough to make even Adder shiver.

"That's it, isn't it?" he said. "This isn't any kind of group or party. It's just you and however many pawns you could sucker into tagging along, just so you could always have someone to put between GenTech and you."

Dragon shrugged. "You'd do the same."

"Not to Lightning." Adder glanced over his shoulder again. "Never to her."

Dragon shrugged again. "So you'd sacrifice every one of us less one female. Why is that any different? I didn't see you crying your eyes out over those human campers we slaughtered."

"They weren't her!" Adder splashed out of the lake and came to stand in front of Dragon, who didn't so much as flinch. "First Blade, now Lightning! Exactly how many of us are you planning to sacrifice?"

The other Project sneered as he looked Adder up and down. "There's always room for one more."

He lunged before the sentence was half done, but Adder had been expecting it and dodged to one side, mouth open and lips drawn back.

Dragon would never have guessed that Adder could move so fast. Up until then, the other Project had only attacked humans from behind, and when the group had been on the move, he'd always ambled along in the rear. Dragon had always just assumed that Adder's only talents were infrared vision and his venom.

Instead, he barely had time to realize the other Project had moved at all before Adder plunged his fangs into his shoulder and emptied half his venom sacs into the deltoid.

Dragon yanked away, tearing flesh and muscle in the process, and Adder backed off a few steps, teeth still bared in an open mouth as blood and clear poison dripped from both fangs.

Dragon took a step towards him, and faltered, suddenly dizzy. Agony like he'd never experienced before was shooting down his arm and along his neck, so intense that he didn't think he'd be able to move the affected limb. Projects had greater resistance to toxins and diseases than humans â€" and it was only that which kept Dragon upright â€" but that was nowhere near enough to render them completely immune.

He took another step towards Adder, who opened his mouth wider and coiled his muscles in an unmistakable threat display. The poison was spreading to his right wing; there was no way he could take on Adder now...and much to his displeasure, Dragon realized that he didn't want to anyway. Not until he'd learned some kind of guard or counter for that rapid lunge.

At that point, Astra stepped between them, hands held out as though she intended to push them apart.

"Let's just calm down, shall we?"

"Get him out of my sight." Adder snarled the words so viciously that Astra was obliged to get him to repeat himself twice before she understood.

"You can't find Katau by yourself," she pointed out.

"If Katau's the kind of place that welcomes people like you two, I don't want to find it. Take your precious fucking Dragon and leave."

Astra smiled. "Oh, he's not mine, Adder." She looked down at Dragon, who was now lying on his side and breathing rapidly, every muscle tense. "If your venom doesn't kill him, he can come and find me later. I need to go to ground before the humans come back with reinforcements."

Turning, she slipped into the water, heading north and brushing the bodies out of her way like pieces of driftwood. Adder didn't bother to stop her.

From seven to five, to four, to two. He stared at Dragon, then grabbed him by his good wrist and pulled him up to his feet.

"You can walk, can't you? Get out. Get the hell off this island and away from this lake, and if I see you again, I'll finish what I started."

Dragon fixed a stare on him through eyes glazed with pain. "I didn't kill her."

"No, you didn't kill her. You taunted her into killing herself, you treat her sacrifice like it was nothing, but you didn't kill her yourself." Adder grabbed Dragon and yanked him forward until their faces were almost touching. "You think that makes it okay?"

He shoved the other Project away and turned his back, only realizing this mistake when he came face to face with Lightning's body. He was barely aware of Dragon stumbling away after Astra; nothing mattered except what he was seeing.

Spark-girl, I'm sorry.

Then the pain broke through Adder's thin veneer of self-control, and he screamed his grief to the uncaring sky.

[JudasFm]

III

There was nothing he could do for her. That was the kicker. Burying would be good â€" he didn't want the carrion-eaters feeding on her â€" but he had nothing to dig a hole with. He'd seen stone slabs that humans erected over graves of their loved ones, if humans understood such a concept as love, but he didn't know where to get such a thing. Even if he found a stone and handy chisel lying around, Adder, like all Projects, was illiterate, and so couldn't have carved any kind of epitaph.

He pulled her out of the water. He could do that much for her at least. Maybe he could get her some of those blue fruits she'd loved so much as well. She wouldn't be able to eat them, not anymore, but that...well, maybe he could put one next to her and eat one himself, and it would be almost like sharing a meal with her for real. Almost.

It was with this in mind that he returned with his haul later that evening â€" two blue fruits, both beautifully soft and ripe â€" to find that the island had been invaded by a human who reeked of the labs.

Adder didn't know if the human had been part of the attack force that Lightning had killed. Probably not, or he'd never have waited this long to show himself. All that mattered just then was that he was now bending over Lightning, reaching down to her, and so Adder stepped forward, every tooth in his mouth bared.

"I will kill you if you touch her." His voice was hoarse, but still carried.

The human spun around and stared at him, then stepped forward slowly, hands out at his sides.

"Project...Adder, isn't it? Adder, I can help. I can bring it back. I know you don't understand, and I know you're confused, but there's something called resuscitation."

Adder remained motionless, only moving his head very slightly to keep both humans in his line of vision. "You mean you can bring her back to life?"

"Well, it's not guaranteed â€" that means I don't know for sure if it'll work â€" but we'll certainly do our best. I'm sure we can bring it back." The human smiled.

Adder didn't return the smile. "For what? Life as a slave? A piece of livestock to be broken in and trained? That's all we are to you, isn't it?" He shook his head. "Better dead than a life like that."

The smile widened a little without reaching the owner's eyes. "Don't you think it would be nice for Project Lightning to make that decision?"

"You'd never let her. She died trying to escape you. Why couldn't you just let her alone? Why can't you just let all of us alone?"

"Because you can't survive on your own. Look at Project Lightning."

That was the last thing in the world Adder wanted to do just then, and so he kept his gaze firmly on the human, who took another step toward him.

"If it hadn't run away, it wouldn't be dead. If you hadn't helped it, it wouldn't be dead." Step. Step. "I'm sure you didn't mean for it to happen. And it's only natural you should be curious about the world outside, but as you saw, you're not capable of living in it without our help." Another step. "So why don't you come back home with us now? I'll talk to your handlers, and whoever's in charge of your training, and I'm sure if you're good and do what you're told, they'll agree to take you out for a walk now and then."

Adder was only vaguely aware of his upper lip drawing back over his teeth again. "You really think that shit's going to work on me?"

"I advise you to curb that attitude of yours, Project Adder, or you won't be taken out anywhere." The human shifted his weight. "I know you're worried about Project Lightning. I know you probably don't quite understand why it won't wake up, but that's no excuse forâ€""

"She won't wake up because she is dead!" Adder's hands flexed in and out of fists. Fear was gone, replaced by anger and a desire to inflict as much pain as possible in an effort to alleviate some of his own. "Tell me something. How can you humans â€" you legal humans, I mean, not clones like me and Lightning â€" be so wise and all-knowing and so fucking dumb at the same time?"

The human's plastic smile was back again as he edged forward. "I don't think dumb is the right adjective. Why did you bring an extra fruit back, if you understand that the other Project is dead? Do you think if you feed it you can make it live again?"

Oh, if only. Adder tightened his hold on the fruit until his fingers bit through the rind, dribbling juice all over.

"If you have to ask that question, you wouldn't understand the answer."

The human lunged but Adder was ready and twisted aside. He missed the man's shoulder, biting him in the upper back instead, but that was enough. One second was all he needed; the venom GenTech had given him was potent enough to see to that.

As soon as the human had stopped thrashing in agony, Adder rolled him down the shore and into the lake to join his fellows. Looking at the blue fruit in his hands, he hesitated, then placed both down by Lightning's corpse, one on either side. There. That would have to do.

On impulse, he reached down and unfastened the necklace she was wearing. She'd taken it from the same camper who'd 'donated' her clothes, and Adder thought she wouldn't begrudge it to him.

It was time to go. Where, he had no idea, but that didn't matter. He was alone, he could look after himself. Where could take care of itself.

With one last look at Lightning, Adder went into the lake for the final time and began to walk.

[Baron]

Brilliant, we've got a competition!

Our contestants are, in order of brevity:

Sinitrena: Sperm
JudasFm: Measure of a Man

Entries are to be judged on the following criteria:

Best Character: the most believable/captivating/magnetic/unique character
Best Misfortune: best death or misfortune that removes a character from the group
Best Atmosphere: the eerie, suspenseful, or possibly comical sense that anyone could be next!
Best Writing: the technical category for polish, word-choice, conciseness, etc.
Best Unpredictability: could you figure out who would make it from the outset?  If so, don't award this vote!

Voting will remain open until Tuesday October 23, 2018.

[Sinitrena]

After reading JudasFm's entry, I wish more than ever I could have finished what I had originally planned - not because I would then have had a chance to win (I wouldn't) but because a good story deserves a better competition than what is basically a joke entry. Judas, I'm so glad you managed to finish the story. It is well written, suspenseful, with interesting characters, atmosphere, emotion.

There is very little I can critizise - I do it noentheless, because that's just the way I am and there are always these small things you might not think about while writing or that come across differently to the reader than they were intended.

My critic is basically two questions:

1. What purpose are these "projects" supposed to serve? Their abilities seem a bit random without any practical use. Are they just meant to be curiosities to look at and admire? Soldiers? Some kinds of specialists for dangerous missions?

2. Why did they recieve the same level of intelligence and emotions as humans? The person in the end seems to think they don't but he's clearly mistaken, so why aren't they genetically engeneered to change it? Or better trained to be more subservient? They were born and raised in an isolated lab (or something similar, appearently) and still they know things they probably shouldn't be taught.

These are both things that show up way too often in stories about clones and mutants. Why are all the evil sientists so damn stupid when it comes to control of their subjects? I guess I sound a bit evil myself right now, but is it really that difficult to think of consequences beforehand?

A little detail that is probably more a typo or inattention: "Adder remained motionless, only moving his head very slightly to keep both humans in his line of vision." Both humans in this sentence referce to the guy from the lab and the dead Lightning, at least that's the only thing that makes sense. But Adder, whose point of view we follow, clearly distinguished between humans and the projects, so he would here too. (We, as readers, might see it differently, but Adder wouldn't, I think, and he didn't before, either.) It should read "...to keep both the human and Lightning in his line of vision."

Best Character: JudasFm for Adder. His emotional connectiion to Lightning is wonderfully strong and shines through.
Best Misfortune: JudasFm for Lightning's death, sacrificing herself to protect the others but ultimately failing because the group breaks up anyway.
Best Atmosphere: JudasFm for the desperation and fear felt through the pages, the mistrust that builds between the characters.
Best Writing: JudasFm for every word that dragged me into the story and made it an enjoyable read.
Best Unpredictability: JudasFm. Actually, I don't think it was particularly difficult to predict what would happen, but I just think JudasFm deserves every single vote here.

[JudasFm]

Thank you so much! Your points are valid but all have explanations which I'll give tonight along with my votes when I'm at home and not typing on my phone between students! right now I actually started writing this this morning, only I had to leave for work before I could finish it.

My critic is basically two questions:

1. What purpose are these "projects" supposed to serve? Their abilities seem a bit random without any practical use. Are they just meant to be curiosities to look at and admire? Soldiers? Some kinds of specialists for dangerous missions?

Confession time here: this was newly written for the competition but will also form a large part of my fourth novel in the Projects series

(<Big Shameless Plug> Book 1 is available on Amazon and Book 2 is due out at the end of this year</Big Shameless Plug> Not that I'm looking to blow my own horn or hijack this post; I'm just hoping some kind person who enjoyed my entry and wants to read more about this world will also read this and take pity on a struggling indie author )

Cliff Notes version:
A Project is a human clone commissioned by an outside group for a specific reason, such as the army or a mining corporations, or scientists looking to test a new drug. Others, such as the adult entertainment industry, have more sinister needs for them. Since each one in the group came from different labs (except Adder and Lightning) they were commissioned by different groups for different purposes. Most commissions are done by the military or governments, because they're the only ones with that kind of money, but there's no law against private commissions (Ito, mentioned in the first part, was one of these). Blade was designed for use in jungle and rainforest missions, Dragon and Lightning for more offensive purposes, Adder as an assassin and Astra escaped from the adult industry.

Projects are also used for experimentation; if we take a human body, can we add wings to it? Can various pieces of technology be implemented? Well, let's try it and see. If the experiment is a success, GenTech will put the Project up for auction ("Hey guys, we just managed to create a brand-new prototype which can do this, this and this! We don't have a buyer lined up, but this Project needs an owner!")

2. Why did they recieve the same level of intelligence and emotions as humans? The person in the end seems to think they don't but he's clearly mistaken, so why aren't they genetically engeneered to change it? Or better trained to be more subservient? They were born and raised in an isolated lab (or something similar, appearently) and still they know things they probably shouldn't be taught.

Very good questions, with long answers:

1. Cloning simply takes the DNA; it can't automatically suppress emotions or reduce intelligence. (That said, there were many failures in the early days of cloning). Changes to clones are physiological rather than mental, as that's still a very foggy area in this setting. Projects have to be trained and then passed onto people with no experience of handling them who will probably want to train them some more, so human-level intelligence is vital.

2. This particular scientist has never dealt with Adder on a personal level (remember he had to confirm his identity) so he doesn't know how far he's progressed in his training. The scientists aren't evil per se, but they've been taught to look upon the Projects as children. Projects are created with no knowledge at all of the outside world (and in the cases of clients on a particularly cheap budget, no language) so it's easy for people to mistake lack of general knowledge for lack of intelligence.

3. 99% of Projects are trained (or beaten) into subservience. It's just that a story about them wouldn't be nearly as interesting, and wouldn't fit the prompt nearly so well

These are both things that show up way too often in stories about clones and mutants. Why are all the evil sientists so damn stupid when it comes to control of their subjects? I guess I sound a bit evil myself right now, but is it really that difficult to think of consequences beforehand?

As you mentioned, this story is written from Adder's POV, and there are a lot of things which can't be mentioned, as he wouldn't know. However, in the world of the story, there are about 50-60,000 Projects being trained or already put to use. Out of those, only about 15 (7 in this story, plus 8 in others) have ever managed to escape the labs to another planet (laboratories are built on space stations to make it near impossible for Projects to escape). 15 escapees out of 50-60,000 prisoners isn't bad going, and as you saw in the story, most escapees don't remain free for long. There are only three survivors at the end of the story, so out of all the Projects which have been created and tried to escape, only 11 have succeeded so far.

A little detail that is probably more a typo or inattention: "Adder remained motionless, only moving his head very slightly to keep both humans in his line of vision." Both humans in this sentence referce to the guy from the lab and the dead Lightning, at least that's the only thing that makes sense. But Adder, whose point of view we follow, clearly distinguished between humans and the projects, so he would here too. (We, as readers, might see it differently, but Adder wouldn't, I think, and he didn't before, either.) It should read "...to keep both the human and Lightning in his line of vision."

Oh...frelling smegging flapdoodles! That's not an Adder POV mistake; that's a truly humongous edit fail on my part that I shouldn't have made.

To sum it up, when I first wrote that scene, Adder originally came back to find two humans. The second one didn't serve much of a purpose and I realized the confrontation worked just as well with only one antagonist, so I changed it. I thought I'd taken out all the references to Adder facing two enemies, but you caught the one I failed to pick up on

Now on to my votes!

Best Character: I'll vote Sinitrena, purely because the poem reads like a pep talk or mission briefing; I'd like to know just who was speaking in it
Best Misfortune: The 'rubber', definitely! Sinitrena
Best Atmosphere: It wasn't exactly eerie or suspenseful, but I was able to understand the kind of problems the, erm, protagonists were facing with no trouble, so Sinitrena
Best Writing: Sinitrena for some of the interesting word uses such as the people 'finding a hole'
Best Unpredictability: Sinitrena, purely for the choice of subject matter

[Sinitrena]

Thank you for your explanations - and for the link to your book. I'll check it out later, it certainly sounds interesting.

As you mentioned, this story is written from Adder's POV, and there are a lot of things which can't be mentioned, as he wouldn't know. However, in the world of the story, there are about 50-60,000 Projects being trained or already put to use. Out of those, only about 15 (7 in this story, plus 8 in others) have ever managed to escape the labs to another planet (laboratories are built on space stations to make it near impossible for Projects to escape). 15 escapees out of 50-60,000 prisoners isn't bad going, and as you saw in the story, most escapees don't remain free for long. There are only three survivors at the end of the story, so out of all the Projects which have been created and tried to escape, only 11 have succeeded so far.

And now I wonder how they managed to meet, because if the quote is something like 10 000 Projects and 1 000 manage to escape, I can believe that 7 randomly meet, but when they are the only ones who got away and are not even from the same place... Okay, I shut up and activate my suspension of disbelieve I really do love your story.

Actually - Guys, could you please vote for JudasFm? I won't accept a tie between us, that's not fair, come on, vote!

Best Character: I'll vote Sinitrena, purely because the poem reads like a pep talk or mission briefing; I'd like to know just who was speaking in it
Best Misfortune: The 'rubber', definitely! Sinitrena
Best Atmosphere: It wasn't exactly eerie or suspenseful, but I was able to understand the kind of problems the, erm, protagonists were facing with no trouble, so Sinitrena
Best Writing: Sinitrena for some of the interesting word uses such as the people 'finding a hole'
Best Unpredictability: Sinitrena, purely for the choice of subject matter

Thank you for finding reasons that actually sound plausible for your votes. As for who is speaking, that would be, from a philosophical point of view, the Biological Imperative; and from a biological point of view Hormones. I had this strange picture in my mind of the sperm standing in rank and file in an airplane hangar. My mind is weird.

[JudasFm]

And now I wonder how they managed to meet, because if the quote is something like 10 000 Projects and 1 000 manage to escape, I can believe that 7 randomly meet, but when they are the only ones who got away and are not even from the same place... Okay, I shut up and activate my suspension of disbelieve

Too late! Here comes another bunch of Stuff-The-Main-Character-Didn't-Know (or did know, but couldn't work into the story naturally without making it too long. I basically wrote this on the day of the deadline and was burning my fingers trying to get as much done as I did, so I wanted to get straight to the action).

They're all looking for Katau, which is on the planet of Atthiras. Atthiras only has one port of entry/exit due to it being the type of planet it is. Adder and Lightning arrived first, and figuring there'll be safety in numbers, decide to hang around near the entry/exit port for a bit and see if any other Projects show up. Ito comes along a few months later, and he's not too bothered about getting to Katau; he's just happy to be out. Since Ito has very little in the way of abilities (he was privately commissioned) they decide to wait together and a little while later, Dragon and Astra show up. So it's not a case of 'randomly meeting on a planet' so much as figuring out the most likely place other Projects are going to arrive and waiting for them there with a view to joining forces. (Of course, GenTech are aware of this tactic as well, but they have no permanent base or containment facilities on Atthiras, as the risk of escape is far too low to justify the cost, which is how the few Projects who make it to Atthiras are usually able to sneak through. Usually )

Dragon and Astra were together from the beginning, much like Adder and Lightning. (Behind the scenes, labs are expensive to build, and so GenTech doubles up where possible. The double escapes of Dragon/Astra and Lightning/Adder put an end to this policy ) Dragon sees himself as the strong, tough, all-knowing leader and protector of Astra. Astra sees their relationship very differently, which is why she's so willing to abandon him.

Of course, this will be greatly expanded on and the kinks ironed out, but it's really not a contrived coincidence of seven random people going to a planet and all just happening to run into each other there

My mind is weird.

There is nothing wrong with a weird mind! Embrace your weird-mindedness; it makes for a much more interesting life

[Blondbraid]

Best Character: Adder, by JudasFm
Best Misfortune: JudasFm, because I just felt so sorry for Adder in the end
Best Atmosphere: JudasFm, the planet seems like a fascinating place
Best Writing: JudasFm
Best Unpredictability: JudasFm

[Frodo]

BEST CHARACTER:   Adder from Measure Of A Man.  His sadness over Lightning's death was really touching. 

BEST MISFORTUNE:   Lightning from Measure Of A Man.  Dying in her own trap while trying to protect her friends is tragic! 

BEST ATMOSPHERE:   Measure Of A Man.  Loved how they gradually turned on each other.  And the nick-names (spark-girl etc) were a nice touch. 

BEST WRITING:   Sperm.  Very clever, how she described the journey of the little buggers.   

BEST UNPREDICTABILITY:   Measure Of A Man