Forthnightly Writing Contest: Mad Scientist Edition! (WINNER ANNOUNCED)

kconan · Mon 28/11/2011 03:52:06

It's ALIIIIIIVE! Your challenge is to write a story or poem that includes at least one mad scientist. He/she/it can be the main character integral to the plot or even a bit player.

The deadline is December 20th!

And the trophy prizes are:

The Golden Beaker!

And, meh, the Silver Beaker...

Ponch · Wed 30/11/2011 04:26:24

Is there no bronze beaker? What if I take third place? Must I go tragically trophy-less?

It's madhouse! A MADHOUSE!!

kconan · Wed 30/11/2011 06:21:46

Quote from: Ponch on Wed 30/11/2011 04:26:24
Is there no bronze beaker? What if I take third place? Must I go tragically trophy-less?

Ah yes good point, I almost forgot the leaky Wooden Beaker...

Ponch · Wed 30/11/2011 15:14:42

Quote from: kconan on Wed 30/11/2011 06:21:46
I almost forgot the leaky Wooden Beaker...

Excellent! Something to strive for!

Ghost · Fri 02/12/2011 14:16:33

Not really a poem, more a "sing-along-to". Here is the song you can sing it along to.
(Now formatted to match the cadence)

Tasty Mad Science

Dr. X was mad as hell, he could have been a crook,
weren't it that this monster-maker
was a darn great cook!

Monday morning came around,
the doctor thought aloud:
"In my kitchen I could work all day!"
He took eggs and a large pan,
'cuz of eggs he was a fan,
then he made the weird science again!

Frankie was all made of fried egg, soft and squishy and off-white,
He went well along with bacon, tasty and well fried!

Dr. X was mad and happy, Frankie was so cool!
He gave him some pants and gladly
sent him off to school!

There Frank sat for a while, completely free of guile,
he learned math and verbs
and all those things.
Then bell rang, joys indeed!
For now t'was time to eat:
To the cafe-te-e-rii--ha seat!

Frankie was all made of fried egg, soft and squishy and off-white,
He could conjugate those verb things, all day and all night!

As he sat there all alone, chewing on a Funny Bone,
he met the Creepy Pasta Girl,
She was slim and not a fruit, but surely also food!
They fell in love and that was cute!

Frankie was all made of fried egg, soft and squishy and off-white,
Fried eggs do not go with pasta*, but hey, it's all right!
It's allright!

______________________________
* But they are great with ketchup.

kconan · Mon 05/12/2011 06:54:53

Fun entry Ghost!

CaptainD · Tue 13/12/2011 16:58:02

â€œMy name is Emerson Fittipaldronetti, and Iâ€™m a mad scientist.

It all began when daddy bought me a chemistry set. It was a surprise gift, and the results were also surprising â€" not least to my cat, Ayrton. How was I to know that mixing Senna leaf with Mystery Compound XII would turn my cat into a biological weapon?! There was nothing in the manual to suggest that... well, apart from the part that said â€œtreat all mystery compounds with the greatest of careâ€, but then user guides always say stuff like that just in case.

Anyway, when Ayrton was recovered and put into a secure nuclear facility, it turned out pretty well â€" half of western Europe now gets its electricity from the (when strictly isolated) safe and (when cat food is supplied abundantly) renewable feline isotopic poo. Of course, the government wonâ€™t admit to this publicly, but as a reward they game me, aged only 8 at the time, my own laboratory and staff.

Well naturally I decided that becoming a mad scientist would be a great career move, though I hadnâ€™t quite decided whether I wanted to be an EVIL mad scientist or not. At any rate, after my early successes of turning Cabinet ministers into zombies without anyone noticing much difference, and making Big Ben sentient so that he would only chime on the hour whenever he felt like it (engineers still havenâ€™t figured this out), I embarked on my greatest project yet â€" via the water supply, undetectable to any filters, I added a formula that would exponentially raise the IQ of all the inhabitants of Great Britain. The plan was foolproof, and a great success.

Well, almost a great success. People did indeed get smarter, but there were two unfortunate side-effects. Firstly, every TV show that had enjoyed great success over the years, so-called â€œrealityâ€ TV and all those showed designed to pander to talentless people determined to be famous, had a massive drop in popularity. Not a great tragedy in itself of course, but the effects on the countryâ€™s economy were devastating. Also, all the other countries became jealous of our new-found intellectual stimulus, and everyone resented it immensely. Things got so bad that I actually had to put another formula in to make people dumber again.

Therefore, what should have been my greatest triumph ended up as my biggest disaster. The MoD decided that I was a national threat, and MI5 keep tabs on me at all times. I decided that being a mad scientist maybe wasnâ€™t so much fun after all â€" which is why I am here, speaking to all of you, at Mad Scientists Anonymous.â€

Thank you for sharing your story, Mr Fittipaldronetti â€" most enlightening and very, very sad. Still, Iâ€™m sure we will be able to help you become a valued member of society. So, who wants to tell us their story next? Ah yes, Mr Sinclair â€" please tell us about that C5 contraption of yours...

Ponch · Tue 20/12/2011 01:31:22

It had taken two days and a night, but at last mad Dr. Whittlemore had finished carving and sanding smooth his wooden beaker.

With this, he thought, I'm sure to take third place in that mad scientist contest and win that wooden beaker I've always wanted. And all it took was the will to carve this wooden beaker.

CaptainD · Tue 20/12/2011 09:08:20

Quote from: Ponch on Tue 20/12/2011 01:31:22
It had taken two days and a night, but at last mad Dr. Whittlemore had finished carving and sanding smooth his wooden beaker.

With this, he thought, I'm sure to take third place in that mad scientist contest and win that wooden beaker I've always wanted. And all it took was the will to carve this wooden beaker.

The wooden beaker was leaky, but Dr. Whittlemore was happy to possess it all the same.

Ponch · Tue 20/12/2011 16:07:51

Quote from: CaptainD on Tue 20/12/2011 09:08:20
Quote from: Ponch on Tue 20/12/2011 01:31:22
It had taken two days and a night, but at last mad Dr. Whittlemore had finished carving and sanding smooth his wooden beaker.

With this, he thought, I'm sure to take third place in that mad scientist contest and win that wooden beaker I've always wanted. And all it took was the will to carve this wooden beaker.

The wooden beaker was leaky, but Dr. Whittlemore was happy to possess it all the same.

Don't jinx it for me. I haven't won third place yet.

kconan · Wed 21/12/2011 00:19:02

Quote from: Ponch on Tue 20/12/2011 01:31:22
It had taken two days and a night, but at last mad Dr. Whittlemore had finished carving and sanding smooth his wooden beaker.

With this, he thought, I'm sure to take third place in that mad scientist contest and win that wooden beaker I've always wanted. And all it took was the will to carve this wooden beaker.

Haha, is this really your entry?

One more day and voting begins...

Ponch · Wed 21/12/2011 00:25:46

Yep. That's my entry. I think it's good enough for a third place win. I need that wooden beaker, kconan. I NEED it.

CaptainD · Wed 21/12/2011 16:53:15

So are we viting yet? In which case my vote goes to Ghost - some dodgy rhymes and doesn't always scan, but it's a lot of fun!

kconan · Wed 21/12/2011 18:48:57

Quote from: CaptainD on Wed 21/12/2011 16:53:15
So are we viting yet? In which case my vote goes to Ghost - some dodgy rhymes and doesn't always scan, but it's a lot of fun!

Yea, we can vote now. So thats one for Ghost.

Ponch · Thu 22/12/2011 00:18:13

It was a tough one, but I'm voting for Cap'n D. Both were entertaining, but I'm just not one for poetry.

So there's a two-way tie for first place. Ponch falls behind the pack with zero votes. That leaky wooden beaker looks to be a lock!

kconan · Thu 22/12/2011 21:06:42

Anyone else voting?

kconan · Fri 23/12/2011 04:31:45

I handle tie-breakers, and so CaptainD wins by a hair over Ghost.

Winnner of the Golden beaker....Captain D!

And the Silver beaker goes to...Ghost!

And the leaking Wooden beaker goes to...Ponch!

Over to you CaptainD

CaptainD · Fri 23/12/2011 12:01:21

Why thank you, thank you... I just don't know what to say.

Annoyingly, I had a good idea for the next writing challenge, but it's gone out of my head at the moment... will post it when I remember!!!

Ponch · Fri 23/12/2011 16:26:28

Quote from: kconan on Fri 23/12/2011 04:31:45
And the leaking Wooden beaker goes to...Ponch!

Woot! My cunning plan paid off! The leaky beaker is minez!!1!

Congrats, Captain. And thanks, Kconan. Fun contest.