Fortnightly Writing Competition: Nobody saw it, but...WE HAVE A WINNER!!

[monkey0506]

Spin me a yarn of a fantastic tale be it dragons or mermaids or wombats prevailing, but keep it good fun for I do like to laugh, and keep it in mind to not be too daft. In crafting your stories the limits are wide, and spread far apart like the stars in the skies. From this day henceforth the count is fourteen until such time comes that the voters will spring and bear their judgments upon you so keep this in mind. Now gather 'round children, it's story time!

Format: Any type of fantasy (adventure and comedy elements = bonus points!)
Duration: 19 October 2009 - 11:59 PM CST (GMT -6:00) 02 November 2009

Voting will last for one week following the close of the entries.

Feel free to say it's a lame theme. I couldn't think of anything and didn't want to keep holding it up.

[Atelier]

One of those abstract poems. It's marmite I guess. Hopefully those limits are as wide as Cetus to Virgo for this to fit into the rules... Happy Halloween everybody!

Poltergeist

I was having a cup of tea,
   you see.
No-one in the house,
   but me.
It was a strange old cuppa,
   too bland.
So I went to the pantry,
   To get some sugar.
Well that was when it started,
   All these strange happenings.
I reached for the Candarel,
   But it wasn't there.
Funny I thought, because,
   I always have Candarel.
Then the lights flickered ON and OFF,
   Gosh what a shock.
Faulty fuse, I thought at first,
   But then I changed my mind.
For sitting upon the breakfast bar,
   Was a ghost.
A hideous spectre it was,
   Perlescent.
      Grimacing.
         Dropping no shadow.
"Away away away!"
   I begged.
Then what a fuss,
   It kicked up.
Lights ON and OFF,
   China dropped.
Curtains ripped,
   Moggy kicked.
Windows smashed,
   Kitchen trashed!
Well I did the only thing,
   I could think of.
I turned on the treadmill,
   In the garage.
Well, they don't call it an,
   Exorcise machine,
      For nothing.
It did the trick, I said:
   Farewell ghosty!
Has this happened to you?
   Today?
I'm sure it will, for
   SCREAM!
      IT'S HALLOWEEN!

[ShiverMeSideways]

Finished mine as well just a few seconds ago.

The Sharktooth Inn

   Once upon a time, just after lunch, in a land of truly EPIC proprotions and equally EPIC capital letters, there lived a fair maiden.

   Her beauty was so mindnumbingly brilliant, that it outshined the brightness of the stars, her long, straight hair falling all around her stunning body to the floor... But we're not going to talk about her.

   She lived in a gigantically tall tower which was part of a castle as big as a country. This incredibly well-guarded (and well-designed architecturally) fortress begged a hearty adventurer and the maiden doubly so. And he will come, but we're not going to talk about that, either.

   Ten miles down the hill from this medievally-grounded Death Star, there lay the run-down, but still running, Sharktooth Inn. This tattered tavern is the only place where any man, creature, beast or floaty translucent being can get along with other such living (or unliving) examples. The bartender was a red-skinned dragon called Pete O'Reilly. He had been raised among humans and taught to drink heavily in order to tame his flames.

   If one would've waited a little while in front of said shady establishment from about lunchtime to about tea time, that same one would've no doubt noticed that a fairly tall, fairly blonde, and fairly stupid traveller had arrived. He entered the bar with a resounding door slam, strutting his musclar, macho walk and displaying his grotesquely-sized chin. As much as he would've wanted to be noticed by those present, he was being blissfully ignored. So, in order to remedy said situation, he proclaimed in an annoyingly loud and obnoxious voice:

   "I am Prince Charming, and I-"

   He was cut off rather abruptly by Pete:

   "Stop yer gabbin' and tell me what yer drinkin'!"
   
   "Very well, then," replied the blonde brute as he sat down on a stool and leaned on the bar. "Give me a pint of your finest... You see, well, actually, my name is Richard, but I am indeed engaged in an epic quest," he paused dramatically, "to save a princess from from the clutches of her evil father, the king of this wretched realm!"

   "Who? King Willie? Fine chap, that fellow, lent me three chickes just the other day..."

   This appreciation was made by a rotting corpse while taking the stool next ot Richard. The undead customer then added:

   "The name's Jim. My farm is just down the road. The one with the ziggurat-shaped barn and the tombstones..."

   "Ah, yes, I think I saw it while travelling here," Richard replied while thinking: "By the power invested in me by the Paladins of M'lwok Ee, I with I could smite you with the power of god, you vile fiend!"

   "So, yer after money and women?" asked Pete.

   "Yes, pretty much in that order, too. Does anybody know how to get to King... erm... Willie's doom fortress?"

   "Oh, no, it's very well hidden... Wouldn't want that lovely-lovely daughter of his to be saved by any libidinous adventurers now..." replied Jim.

   "Might as well give up, kid..." a deep, croaking voice came from the end of the bar. It was coming from the beaten beak of a crow which had only one wing. The, theoretically, flying beast was also the proud owner of scars and bruises as well. "Listen, kid, lemme tell you about quests and stupid non-sense like that. Buy me a drink."

   While Pete and Jim were thinking "Oh, no... Another one bites the dust..." Richard was already sitting at the crow's table, passing the strange-coloured and undoubtedly ulcer-forming brew to the croaking fiend.

   "Now, listen, kid... What are you searching for?"

   "Well, riches and the damsel in distress," replied Richard with glee.

   "Now, I can get your lust for money, but, lemme tell you about women... The best they can do is think their way out of a cooking pot and even then, they need hints... This lady'll just bleed ya dry and then move on while she's still got the looks. I know, I've seen 'em all. Y'see this obvious lack of a right wing? My fourth wife bit it off during our divorce trial..."

   "Oh... Sorry to-"

   "Sorry? I don't need yer sorries! Listen, stay away from that particular broad; take all you want from her loaded daddy, but stay away from Little Miss Help-Me-Big-Trousered-Man."

   "What? Why?"

   "Well, firstly, she ain't exactly untouched south of the border, if you get my drift... See this scar? She made it a few weeks ago. Yeah, Goldie Locks over there likes avian lovin'!"

   "Oh, god..."

   "That's just the first thing! Don't get me started on her dogs..."

   "I think I'm going to be sick..."

   "Besides, she can't live without 10 acres of land, 10 peasants, 10 pounds of jewelry, and 10 little boys being bought for her every day. That broad is a few scales short of a dragon..."

   "HEY! You know I hate that horrid expression!" said Pete.

   "So you see, my blonde bimbonet, you need to rethink your future investment plan," continued the crow.

   "Very well..." replied Richard.

   After finishing his drink, the fiery fearsome adventurer left the Sharktooth Inn and continued to go North, where he reorientated his goals to Career Investment Planning...

[monkey0506]

I'm not sure if I might've mucked things up what with the DST settings and all that but I did through in an extra day gratuitously, so there are less than 2 hours remaining now (10:26 PM here). Anybody holding out on their entries may want to get them in.

Great entries so far by the way...and I wish people would stop ASSUMING they're annoying me/being a nuisance. It's more annoying to be told that I'm being annoyed!

[Eggie]

How did I miss this?
I blame your wacky topic title!

[monkey0506]

Well sorry, I assumed those who would be looking for the FWC wouldn't have too much trouble noticing a CFW.

Anyway it's voting time folks! We've got two great entries so it's a 50/50 chance that either one could win. Voting ends at 11:59 PM CST on 9 November people so speak now or forever hold your peace (or in Eggie's case, piece).

[monkey0506]

Okay, I refuse to have this placed entirely in my hands. I'm extending the voting...by...three days. Yes, three. That is a number.

[SomeSickSelf]

After much deliberation I've chosen to give my vote to...AtelierGames.  Yes, I'm fairly certain that's what I want to do.  I think.  Very tough call, but what can I say, I'm a sucker for Halloween stories.

Now everybody vote.  It'll be weird if I'm the only one.

[Wonkyth]

Yeah, I go AG as well.
Awesome stuff from both, though.

[Jim Reed]

My vote for ShiverMeSideways if I'm not too late.

[monkey0506]

Anyway it's voting time folks! We've got two great entries so it's a 50/50 chance that either one could win. Voting ends at 11:59 PM CST on 7 November people so speak now or forever hold your peace (or in Eggie's case, piece).

This should have said the 9th, not the 7th. Sorry about that typo. I will correct it.

The extended voting ends therefore at 11:59 PM CST on 12 Nov. Which places it just short of 12 hours remaining.

Edit: Okay so with some votes thrown in, I can confidently go ahead and close the polls. Great job to both of you. AtelierGames you are the winner. Congratulations! Here's some imaginary consolation cookie prizes for you both!



P.S. If I had to choose, I'd actually have gone for Shiver...I thought the ending was a tad bit weak, but I liked the story a lot overall.

[Atelier]

If I had to choose, I'd have gone for Shiver too. Apart from being the only other contestant () I thought his was much better than mine by a long stretch.

Thanks everybody who voted, I'll make the new competition thread now.