Fortnightly Writing Contest. THEME: A Mysterious Town. VOTING UNTIL: March 30th

[Baron]

As Mandle pointed out, Baron's and my votes should cancel each other out, so I won't bother sending a PM. You may consider this post as my offical acknowledgement that my points were allocated. 

Wait, wait, wait....  This means I must also obliquely allocate my votes without actually voting, or otherwise the predicted mutual-cancelling of implied votes will not come to pass!   

@Sinitrena:  Your story definitely cleaved closer to the topic than mine.  Kaliven was the most vivid character in your story: it breathed, danced, and exuded life.  Your descriptions were enticing and mysterious, drawing the reader into both the story and the city.  The main protagonists of your story were sadly much less vibrant.  Mjavan comes across as scarcely better than a feral animal (the constant hand wounds she inflicts are reminiscent of the hazard of approaching a stray dog), and Teccin seems eerily brainwashed by his new society.  Indeed, if Mjavan is the mangy street mutt, then Teccin is the dopey domesticated pet who has bought into his new masters' paradigm.  Even Mjavan's love, her one admirable character trait, seems motivated more by a sense of hopelessness at her progressive disease than any connection with Teccin or even respect for his character.  The predictable reunion of Mjavan and Teccin is therefore awkward and flat.

But back to the good points: the strength of the setting!  I found it very intriguing how the two "worlds" overlapped within the walls, which I thought was a great plot device.  I do wonder at the fact that the folk inside the walls seemed to have electric lighting, but no obviously otherworldly technology (vehicles, for example).  And how come the smells and sounds could escape, but not the people?  And why was there no attempt at communication?  Get a prisoner to set up a sign the next day that could be read from the walls, and then chuck a message attached to a rock back through the barrier?  I guess the mystery works best if you suspend your disbelief....

But it does lead to something that could be a plot hole (or the whole society is really asshole-is): frogs work in the police force, are able to talk and a snake works as a dealer - but ants are slaves? (or magically manipulated - either way, this society seems morally corupt).

I agree that I probably could have explained this better.  The magical creatures and forest creatures of a similar stature form a society together, but insects are not included.  They are used more like tools: fireflies for lamps, ants for engines, etc.  At some scale we tend to lose empathy for other creatures (maybe you spare a thought for not stepping on an ant, but those dust mites crawling all over your skin feel emotionally remote).  There was a time when people treated dogs and horses more like tools than family members, so I suppose our trajectory is at least righteous....

Why were all victims alone when they were turned to stone?

That, my good Sinitrena, is a very good question.      I guess there's no real reason, and indeed I could have built up the Slender Stalker character more if there were eyewitnesses....  Where were you when it was time to edit this mammoth down to size?   

[Sinitrena]

Even Mjavan's love, her one admirable character trait, seems motivated more by a sense of hopelessness at her progressive disease than any connection with Teccin or even respect for his character.

I would go so far and say she doesn't love. She's utterly selfish and aware that Teccin is not. She wants to use him, that's all.

I do wonder at the fact that the folk inside the walls seemed to have electric lighting, but no obviously otherworldly technology (vehicles, for example).

Actually, there are more hints to a higher level of trchnology on the inside: Mjavan doesn't know what a syringe is when it is used on her and the mosaic in the canal is supposed to be a tank and an airplane, though that's a hit and miss moment.

And how come the smells and sounds could escape, but not the people?  And why was there no attempt at communication?

Light-waves also pass through, otherwise the people on the outside could not see anything either.  It's not exactly following the laws of physics.
As with many other parts of this story, I did think someone would have tried to communicate at some point (with a sign, beliebe me, I had that exact idea) and someone there would eventually learn that there is no magic involved, but technology gone wrong during the war (hence the advanced technology on the inside - they were able to keep their level of technology) The problem was Mjavan - she just wasn't the character to learn or do this, Teccin was. But when I realized this, I could either do an exposition dumb at the very end (no, thanks) or re-write nearly the whole story (no time).

[Mandle]

Sorry guys... been busy last two days with other stuff. Will close the contest today.

[Mandle]

ARGHHH! Sorry, guys, just contributing to the ongoing legend of Mandle never getting anything done on time here...

I'm gonna need an extension on voting.

[Mandle]

Okay, I have read both stories and voted myself and the outcome is:

Baron: 1

Sinitrena: 2

Sorry again for the delay. The next round is passed to Sinitrena.

[Sinitrena]

Wow, we've got a bit of an underwhelming voting output, don't we? 

Thanks, anyway. Next round coming right up.

[Baron]

Congratulations Sini!   

[WHAM]

I tried to coax a couple friends of mine who aren't yet on the forums to hop on, read and vote, but sadly to no effect. Perhaps next time.
Congrats on the win Sinitrena!

Hopefully I'll have some more free time in the coming weeks so I can throw in my hat again.