Fortnightly Writing Competition - BAD BOSS (Results)

[Stupot]

Here are my votes:

Spoiler

Sinitrena: 3
Voh: 3
Mandle: 4

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(Feedback pending)

[Baron]

It was a hard-fought battle of words and wits, but in the end your performance appraisals are maddeningly vague and your pay raises non-existent.  OK, enough boss talk!  Here's my honest feedback:

@Sinitrena

Spoiler

I think the biggest shortcoming in your piece was not inspiration but rather narrative voice.  I was more than halfway through the piece when I realized it was a (tangential) character in the story who was narrating.  I think if this voice was stronger throughout then the story would feel more consistent and complete.  I agree with Mandle that it was difficult to appreciate how Gary deserved his fate due to being a bad boss himself.  With those two fixes I think this story could really shine.

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@Mandle

Spoiler

At last, a story about the last free-thinking man on Earth!   Jun clearly lacks vision and his execution is sloppy, making him a horrendous boss.  The way his good intentions spiralled into increasingly insane plans sent a shiver down my spine.  Filling up the Grand Canyon with humanity was as hilarious as it was pointless on so many levels.  I found myself trying to calculate the survival rate for those crushed on the lower tiers instead of attending to Jun's parting thoughts, making the end of this story somewhat reminiscent of a work meeting.    Good job, I guess?

Also...

Yes, the "Ju" in "Jun" is said exactly like "Ju" in "July" in English.

Um...  Did you just describe the way to pronounce "Jun" is by saying it like "July"?  Am I missing something here?  If it starts with "Ju" as in "July" followed by an [n] sound, wouldn't his name sound rather exactly like... "June"?

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@Voh

Spoiler

I didn't think your story got enough love from the voters, but sadly as administrator of the competition I don't get any say.  I loved the micro-managing myopia, the self-righteous self-defeating selfishness, and the teacup tempest tantrums.  Your Leonard reminds me a great deal of at least three of my former bosses.  I felt a sense of relief when Kate and Dave finally quit, revealing the fatal flaw of bossdom: you can only boss if your underlings are willing to be bossed.  Perhaps one day, in a better world, we can all quit our way out from under the oppression of bad bosses everywhere.

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So, to the votes.  By my tally the votes fall thusly:

Mandle received 17 votes.
voh received 12 votes.
Sinitrena recieved 11 votes.

I hereby declare Mandle to be the winner.  May he placate the runners-up with a juicy writing topic worthy of their budding talents.  Thank you everyone for the fun stories, and I look forward to reading you again next time.

Bye!

[Mandle]

@Baron
About the pronunciation of "July" and "June":
I guess this depends on the accent of the person saying the words. For me, "June" is pronounced with a drawn-out "u", like "JOON" but the "Ju" in "July" is short and flat, like the "su" in "sushi".

Anyway, onwards!