Fortnightly Writing Competition: Children's Story (Results)

[Sinitrena]

Welcome, kids.
Please gather around the librarian here and listen carefully. We will soon have the newest stories just for you!



Children love them, adults do too when they look at them through a nostalgia filter or when they are really good...


I'm talking about story books for children - (very) young children, like The Very Hungry Caterpillar (which just had its 50th anniversary) or The Cat in the Hat.

They are often a visual medium as much as a textual one (I don't expect you to draw anything, but keep this in mind), might have repetitive elements to it, might use easier words and a simpler sentence structure. The way their subject is presented needs to be appropriate for children (no swear words, for example) but their subject matter doesn't need to be light. There are children's books about dealing with death. Often, they contain some kind of message.

This is your challenge: Write a children's book (I say book because these stories are really not that long) for an age group no older than 8 years.

The stories will be judged in these categories: Plot, Character, Language (age appropriate) and Message.

You have until Monday, 5. August 2019.

[Baron]

Oh, cool!  I wrote a book for my daughter for her fifth birthday using only the words she knew how to read by sight (instead of sounding out).  She only knew 100 words or so, which I remember made it very difficult to write anything that made any sense.  Let's just say that the deeper message that you find in the better children's stories was somewhat lacking in that outing....   

[Sinitrena]

Lovely  Did she enjoy it?

[Mandle]

Lonely Noun Goes And Finds Friends

PG01: Noun (A picture of "Noun", a neutral-looking character, looking sad in its house.)

PG02: Door (Noun looking at its front door, from the interior.)

PG03: Outside (Noun peeking out of the partially open front door, from the exterior.)

PG04: Forest (Noun walking along a forest path.)

PG05: Adjective (Noun stops, looking on warily as a flamboyant-looking character, "Adjective", approaches from ahead along the forest path. Adjective also looks sad.)

PG06: Happy Noun (Noun shaking hands with Adjective and smiling. Drawn from Adjective's viewpoint.)

PG07: Happy Adjective (Adjective shaking hands with Noun and smiling. Drawn from Noun's viewpoint.)

PG08: Scary forest (A picture of the path ahead, getting darker, with brambles closing in. Noun and Adjective in foreground looking down the path with foreboding.)

PG09: Brave friends (Noun and Adjective side-by-side looking resolutely ahead.)

PG10: Scary noise (Noun and Adjective glancing around, deep in the dark brambly path.)

PG11: Scared Verb (A new character, "Verb", always drawn twitchy like it can't stay still, comes dashing out of the gloom ahead, looking over its shoulder with fear.)

PG12: Happy Noun (Noun shaking hands with Adjective and Verb and smiling. Drawn from Adjective's viewpoint.)

PG13: Happy Adjective (Adjective shaking hands with Noun and Verb and smiling. Drawn from Verb's viewpoint.)

PG14: Happy Verb (Verb shaking hands with Noun and Adjective and smiling. Drawn from Noun's viewpoint.)

(Verb's handshake, from every perspective, is very physically exuberant and shakes Noun and Adjective up and down while they are smiling.)

PG15: Brave Noun goes (Noun continuing down the scary path. Adjective looks ready to follow but Verb looks undecided.)

PG16: Brave Adjective goes (Adjective following a short distance behind Noun, looking brave in an overly-expressive way.)

PG17: Scared Verb goes (Verb, reluctantly, and with expressive body-language, following quite a distance behind Noun and Adjective, looking very scared. The start of a rocky crevice is visible ahead with the path winding into it.)

PG18: Brave Noun listens (A close-up of Noun with hand cupped to ear. The path has entered a rocky crevice and the rocks look like scary faces here and there.)

PG19: Brave Adjective listens (Adjective has arrived by Noun's side and is in similar pose, a bit more flamboyantly though.)

PG20: Scared Verb listens (Verb has arrived by Noun and Adjective's side and is in similar pose, except twitchier.)

PG21: Scared Conjunction comes (A new character, "Conjunction", comes running from further down the path, glancing over its shoulder. Conjunction is constantly looking left and right in a blur in all its future poses.)

PG22: Happy Noun and happy Adjective and happy Verb and happy Conjunction (A crane-shot of the whole band shaking hands, each in their own way: Noun is normal, Adjective is expressive, Verb is overly-energetic, Conjunction is glancing to both sides as always.)

PG23: Brave Noun and brave Adjective and scared Verb and scared Conjunction go (A shot of them continuing down the path through the rocky crevice. A dark cave looms ahead.)

PG24: Brave Noun and brave Adjective and scared Verb and scared Conjunction stop (They stand before the cave, each in their typical poses, looking up warily at the sign above the cave which reads "PUNCTUATION")

(Only part one of a series, and I am already seriously considering making this a thing. In contact with the perfect artist for it.)

[cat]

Awesome topic! My daughter only wants to read wimmelbooks at the moment, preferably with construction machines or vehicles, but maybe I can also come up with something textual.

[Wiggy]

Simon, the St.Kilda street kid staves off starvation.

[An educational story for the disadvantaged, and not all kiddies stories are pleasant]

Simon's mummy and daddy were going through a hard time. They argued a lot which made Simon sad. Sometimes they woke him
up with their screaming at each other, mostly it was mummy screaming at daddy. Simon was in year 4 at school, and had no
idea what adults worried so much about.

One night Simon's mummy attacked his daddy with a meat cleaver. Simon's daddy took up a cricket bat and yelled to Simon,
"Run, run as fast as you can! She's a fucking psycho!". Meanwhile Simon's mummy slashed at his daddy yelling "Get the
fuck out of here Simon, he'll kill you after me".

So Simon ran. Down the road he found a gathering of homeless kids who invited him to share their ice pipe. "Nice",
thought Simon, "...but where do I go from here?" "Back to the squat of course." was the reply from "Dodger".
Now Dodger was a handsome boy, who dressed well, and seemed not to need to live in a squat.

Simon asked him (after his head had cooled down a bit), "hey Dodge, how come you've got nice threads, and a wallet full
of cash?" Simon replied "Well, you have to put Mr. Bottom to work!"
"What do you mean?" questioned Simon.
"how many times a day do you use your bottom?", asked the dodger.
"About once." replied Simon smiling.
"There are men out here who will pay you $500 to use your bottom, and the more times you use it , the richer you get."
replied the dodger.

"Well, when can I start?" said Simon.

Meanwhile, after having had good lovemaking, Simon's mummy and daddy said to each other; "Well, at least we got rid of
that shithead kid of yours".

"I thought he was yours!"

[Sinitrena]

Two entries already? Keep them coming.

(Only part one of a series, and I am already seriously considering making this a thing. In contact with the perfect artist for it.)

You absolutely should make this a thing. And you absoluetly shouldn't leave us hanging like that. Will the punctuation bring our heroes closer together through commas, or seperate them through evil full stops? 

[Mandle]

You absolutely should make this a thing. And you absoluetly shouldn't leave us hanging like that. Will the punctuation bring our heroes closer together through commas, or seperate them through evil full stops? 

NICE IDEAS!!! Yeah, I decided it was enough to make the point of how the stories work, and enough for a little kid to absorb, and be held attention-wise by, for one sitting.

[Mandle]

And...

Wiggy's story...

I guess nobody has either wanted to comment on it or has been a bit scared to.

I can see this being a great faux-kid's-book.

It could be structured as a children's picture book for the impact that approach would have (like such works as "Maus" and "When The Wind Blows") but only sold in the adult section of stores or as a charity fund-raising item (see below).

It addresses an important social issue and is shocking AF, but it should be as these things actually happen.

I did find it a little bit too over-the-top in places and the ending seemed slightly glib, although that might be fixed with the appropriate artwork for the page, like the "father" turning over in bed, stealing the covers, while saying the final line.

A fine idea, definitely NOT a children's book, but with a bit of work it could turn into something like a book a homeless children's charity could sell to adults to raise money and awareness.

(The section about "How often do you use your bottom?" was incredibly impactful and haunting BTW.... Oh my God, that's amazing writing!)

[Sinitrena]

And...

Wiggy's story...

I guess nobody has either wanted to comment on it or has been a bit scared to.

Or is still trying to decide if this entry was meant seriously, that is, as an actual story for children, or if it was meant as a joke... 

I'll coment in detail during voting.

[Mandle]

Or is still trying to decide if this entry was meant seriously, that is, as an actual story for children, or if it was meant as a joke... 

Well, it's set in a suburb of Melbourne that is infamous for under-aged prostitution.

https://www.smh.com.au/national/childhood-lost-underage-prostitutes-strain-a-system-in-crisis-20090301-8l6x.html

Most of the children there are abandoned kids from broken homes and/or the children of drug addicts.

I don't think it was meant as a joke. At least, I hope not.

[Sinitrena]

Thanks for the information. Without it, St. Kilda  is just a random name. (I live on the other side of the world. I've never heard this name before.)

"Joke" was an unfortunate word choice. My apologies. I still cant tell if this story is meant for adults and has an intentional shock value or if it really is for children and maybe poor writing.

[JudasFm]

"Joke" was an unfortunate word choice. My apologies. I still cant tell if this story is meant for adults and has an intentional shock value or if it really is for children and maybe poor writing.

This is kind of my problem as well. Like you, I'll comment in detail during voting, but I'm honestly not sure what to make of this entry...

[Blondbraid]

"Joke" was an unfortunate word choice. My apologies. I still cant tell if this story is meant for adults and has an intentional shock value or if it really is for children and maybe poor writing.

This is kind of my problem as well. Like you, I'll comment in detail during voting, but I'm honestly not sure what to make of this entry...

Same here.

[Sinitrena]

Only a couple days left. Get your stories in before it's too late! 

[Mandle]

If the artist gives me the okay, is it within the rules to post his concept art he has drawn for my story so far?

[Sinitrena]

Yes, that's fine. But don't replace your original descriptions with pictures, please. And everyone should remember that votes should only consider the actual text of the story and the idea behind it, but not the visual execution.

[JudasFm]

I'm about half done with mine. My mother-in-law has been staying with us for the past week, so I've been looking after her instead of writing. She's going home to Tateyama today  , so I should make the deadline 

[Mandle]

Yes, that's fine. But don't replace your original descriptions with pictures, please. And everyone should remember that votes should only consider the actual text of the story and the idea behind it, but not the visual execution.

Yup, I'll put the pictures in a hide tab under the story if the artist gives the go-ahead. The pictures should just give an insight into how the story works and yes, people should not vote on the quality of the art, just the concept of the story.

[Baron]

My entry is coming together well.  Should be in by tonight or tomorrow night at the latest.