Fortnightly Writing Competition "ALLEGORY" Voting till May 2

[BarbWire]

I'm glad that Mandle appreciates, us appreciating, his weird tale.  To show his gratitude He could, at least, have voted for his favoured entry.

[Sinitrena]

Get used to it. Mandle does not have the best track record when it comes to voting here. 

[Baron]

Ah, if only someone had considered in advance that one of our participants might not vote, and then had created an overly elaborate contingency plan to make up the missing votes.  Oh wait! 

So, according to the rules Mandle spreads his votes evenly (3-3-3) amongst his fellow competitors.  Thus, we have the following totals:

EjectedStar with 16 points
Sinitrena with 15 points
BarbWire with 10 points
Mandle with 8 points

So EjectedStar is our winner, and administrator of the next round of the competition!

My own brief thoughts on the stories:

@EjectedStar: Your story seems like the critical turning point in a larger epic.  I like how you were able to suggest just enough of the details of the surrounding story to get the reader on board with Alaine's internal thoughts, but not enough to overwhelm.  I liked even more how the overarching story seemed to take a back seat the landscape, antagonizing yet beautiful as it passes relentlessly by.  I actually thought that was the allegory (life is like a desert sleigh ride?), but your spoilers make a much more compelling case.    As a dad of two kids I found the "purposeful annoyance" between siblings  a raw and authentic portrayal of real family dynamics.  I understand you will soon have two children of your own.  Have f-u-u-u-u-n.....    Also, top marks for the hidden song lyrics! 

@Sinitrena: A more conventional allegory, with a short plot and an obvious lesson.  Unfortunately I believed the lesson was that you can't be given responsibility, but have to take it.  I guess that's not so far off the intended meaning of the allegory.  I missed the more poetic language we get out of some of your longer pieces, but I understand that the short allegory format is not really the time and the place.  I did find it interesting, from a plot perspective, that the questioning novice did not question the other former novices.  Indeed, their example of successful problem-solving points to another allegory, perhaps even more powerful than your intended lesson: the act of repeatedly banging one's head against the wall and expecting a different result from the previous time is irrational and self-defeating.

@Mandle: Wait, what?!?  That's a lot of text-bomb drama all at once!  The stickler in me insists that baby mice are effectively blind for several days after birth, but let's leave that aside.  Rich has been dead for two months -presumably the gestation period of a baby mouse - but only experienced human thought flashbacks for a few seconds after his birth before mousifying?  What about in utero?    So the lesson is don't die first in a love triangle or you'll be reincarnated and infanticided by your former lover (whom you actually hated) who betrayed you for your best friend (whom you actually loved), due to the shoddy work of your gang of half-wit colleagues when it comes to sewer pipe installation?  Is that really just an allegory for fate comes back to get you in the end?  Am I asking a lot of questions instead of drawing my own conclusions?  It looks like I'm gonna be polishing some bronze toes for a while....

@BarbWire: I got this one, after rereading it twice!  I was caught up on the details - why the husband in tow, why the succession of disasters, and then thinking about the foreign entanglement and the charismatic blond taking over made it all click.  Naturally I would have given you top marks had I been an eligible voter, but alas rules are rules (right Mandle?  ).  I think the allegory would have worked better as a story with nemesis, such as Brian Jarvis railing about how easy fixing the mess would be, but then experiencing a rude smack with the wet trout of reality at the end.  Of course that presupposes that things won't work out in the end as rosily as promised, but is that really such a stretch of imagination? 

Good work all around, folks!  I look forward to participating in the next competition.  Over to you, EjectedStar!

[EjectedStar]

Thanks for the kind words everyone, the competition was fierce and verbose! I'll take this non-existent trophy to my grave where you all can pry it from my cold, dead hands.  I know I'm new here, so you had to give me a taste of victory to keep me coming back to participate in future writing competitions... I see your carefully crafted plans!

It was fun, and I honestly haven't written much since I finished my manuscript and turned to the hair-pulling frustration that is self-publishing.  After raking in all that self-publisher money (world's smallest rake) I have turned my attention to finishing up my adventure game and it sucks away all my free time. Thanks for having a fun and welcoming atmosphere for me to hop back into the writing game!

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Oh, I also started up a new competition, hope to see you there!