Fortnightly Writing Competition: Impossible Escape. RESULTS

[Stupot]

Catch-44
========

If Simon was sure of one thing, it was that he had never lied to anyone. Never even lied to himself. What kind of bastard lies to himself and expects anyone else to trust him?

He could understand the benefit of some lies, white lies ('Your new wig looks lovely, Mrs Larssen' or 'I don't mind paying for dinner'), but he could never bring himself to do even that.  Maybe he had listened a little too hard as a child when his parents and teachers told him it was wrong to lie. He had always taken things literally as a child, which had led to several avoidable incidences, such as the time Mrs. Dennis told him to "pull your finger out", or the time he had to be dragged off the M40 by police after his uncle Pete had told him to "live life in the fast lane".

He still had all his fingers, thankfully, but all was not well with Simon.  It was the eve of his 44th birthday and he was currently standing atop Beachy Head, about to jump.  Unlike most cliff jumpers though, he wasn't suicidal, and he didn't have a parachute. He was here because he had made himself a promise he wished he didn't have to keep.

About ten years earlier, when Simon was 34, he had suddenly realised something - all of his friends lived on their own, while he was still at his parental home at 34.  He had said to his mother one day "Mum, I'm thinking of moving into my own house".

His mother replied, "Ahh, son. You see. You're better off here, where we can look after you."

"Can't I look after myself?"

"Ahh, son. You see.  You're special. We need to make sure you don't go off and do anything silly and get yourself killed."

With that, Simon had gone to his room and sat on the bed.  He quietly thought to himself, If I don't have my own place by the time I'm 44, I'm going to jump from the top of Beachy Head.

He immediately regretted that. He knew that he was going to stick to his promise.  He was going to have to spend the next ten years trying to convince his parents to let him have his own place.

He had failed. And here he stood about to die.

Nobody knows you made the promise a voice in his head tried to reason with him.

"I know but it's wrong to lie."

It's not lying, you never even said it out loud.

"That's even worse. I made a promise and you should never make a promise you can't keep."

People do it all the time. Small lies, empty promises. Everybody does it every day. surely you've noticed.  You're a good person, Simon. Allow yourself this one small error.

"I can't.  I have to do this."

The voice didn't come back.  Simon was alone. He jumped.

Happy Ending
============

Simon landed with a small thud. Not quite what he was expecting. He opened his eyes and his face filled with horror. For he realised that he had only fallen about three metres from the top of the cliff.

He would have to jump again.

He stood up and  prepared to leap, but something didn't feel right. Somewhere deep within Simon's inner sense of the balance of all things, he had realised that he wasn't going to jump again.

He remebered back to the day he had made his fateful promise.

If I don't have my own place by the time I'm 44, I'm going to jump from the top of Beachy Head.

Well he had done just that. He had jumped from the top of the cliff. His promise had never said anything about having to land at the bottom.

He was so happy he shouted out loud. "I don't have to die!" And then said to himself, When I get off this cliff I'm going to buy everyone a drink!

[Baron]

Alright, the competition is closed!  These are our participants:

Ghost with Elminster and the Alien Magicians
Sinitrena with Truth!
Adeel S. Ahmed with Impossible Escape
Ponch with the oddly titled Edit!
Chef! with The Viper
Stupot+ with his buzzer beating Catch-44

So now it's reading time.  And then it's voting time.  And THEN it's trophy gala time.  With the speeches and the brandy and those little hors d'oeuvres  made of pastry but stuffed with some kind of cheesy meaty puree inside.  But let's not get ahead of ourselves.  To the manuscripts!

Voting will proceed according to the SIX-POINT scheme:

i) each voter has six points to award

ii) you can apportion these points as you see fit to as many contestants as you deem worthy, but you can not give more than 3 points to any one entry

iii) if you chose not to apportion votes, your first vote will be interpreted as 3 points, second 2 points and third 1 point.

iv) if you only vote for one person, your vote will be interpreted as equalling 3 points

v) if you make a math error and award more than six points your votes will be reapportioned in a similar ratio to fit the six-point scheme, and will be rounded down in such a case where you have exceeded the maximum points per entry (see rule ii).

vi) points may be split so long as they are in decimal format and do not exceed two decimal places to the right of the decimal.  Votes that exceed two decimal places will be rounded and, if they then violate rule v (see above), will be reapportioned according to that rule. 

     a) if you live in one of those places where they replace decimals with commas, then just use commas.  What do you call it then, anyway?  The comma system?

     b) if you live in one of those places where they don't use the metric system, you need to purchase an expensive converter online, preferably from me.  Votes in non-conforming formats will be counted only at the discretion of the contest organizer

vii) In the event of a tie by the close of voting, the contest organizer shall be eligible to vote according to the rules laid out in sections i-vi

viii) Votes can not be edited once posted, in fairness to our contestants.

Voting this time around will run from this very instant until whenever I can get to my computer Tuesday, June 25 (probably around 10pm EDT).

Good luck to all participants!

[Ghost]

That was some nice readin and a hard decision! I couldn't even call it 1 point for each story because there's only 5! So here we go.

Sinitrena's Truth: 3 points
Lovely moody atmosphere and my inner role player jumped up and down with exitement.

Stupot's Catch44: 2 points
The twist is neat and the happy ending takes the cake.

Ponch's Edit: 1 points
It's the desperate badass approach that sells it.

[Sinitrena]

Some very interesting and deverse entries. It was very difficult to decide which one I liked best, but:

Chef!'s The Viper:
3 points

Ghost's Elminster and the Alien Magicians:
2 points

Stupot+'s Catch-44:
1 point

[kconan]

Great turnout;, I feel guilty for not submitting something.

Sinitrena - 3.00 points
Chef! - 2.00 points
Ponch - 1.00 point

I originally make a semi-funny decimal joke, and then I imagined someone e-strangling me for losing by ".01" points.

[Chef!]

Many fine works to choose from this fortnight, but hard choices must still be made.

1)Sintara 3 points.  I liked how he created a whole world with history and culture along with a story that was well crafted.  Cudos.

2)Stupot+ 2 points.  This story was also well crafted and I liked the plot it had theme with good family values and a happy ending.

3)Adeel   1 point. This was probably my favourite story-wise, but it needs allot of editing. Editing is many-a-writer's downfall; I've been struggling with it for years but I hope you keep at it.

[Adeel]

3)Adeel   1 point. This was probably my favourite story-wise, but it needs allot of editing. Editing is many-a-writer's downfall; I've been struggling with it for years but I hope you keep at it.

    You are absolutely right. I had already seen this coming. Actually, I had made commitment to write the story but unfortunately, we saw major power-outs those days. It was almost becoming impossible to keep writing yet I had written a great deal already, so I completed it in hurry and published it directly. I also noticed grammar mistakes after I had posted it but....oh well.

MY VOTES ARE:

Stupot+ = 3 Points - I didn't imagine it would have turned out so different. Keep it up!

Chef!   = 2 Points - Especially liked the start of story. Good one!

Sinitrena = 1 Point  - Created very good atmosphere. Expecting more stories from you! (Come to think of it, you are already a winner )

[Ponch]

1) Sinitrena
2) Adeel
3) Stupot

Good entries all around.

[Stupot]

Chef - 3pts
Sinitrena - 2pts
Ghost 1pt

Great turn out this time. Let's keep it up :-)

[Baron]

Great turn out this time. Let's keep it up :-)

My sentiments exactly.  I can not remember the last time we had such an abundance of entries.  I printed them out and was astonished to find that they ran to 21 pages!  The truly incredible bit was that I couldn't believe they were over so fast: I could have followed some of those stories for chapters and chapters.  Great imagination and compelling writing guys (and gals!) -excellent work this time around!

So now voting is closed, and it is time for the tabulation of points.  According to my calculations the results are as follows:

First place is awarded to SINITRENA for Truth! (15 points).  I will add my voice to those of your admirers above by saying how fascinated I was with the story world you created in such a short text.  I could easily read a whole series based in that world.  Also, I thought your decision to have the narrative as a bar story was inspired, as it really made the story arc more suspenseful while allowing you to introduce more colour to the world.  A great effort, and your victory is well deserved!  Congratulations!

Second place is awarded to CHEF! for The Viper (10 points).  The narrative flow was excellent: action packed and clever, especially how she turned on her fellow prisoners at the outside gate in order to facilitate her own escape.  I thought the Viper herself was a little too one-dimensional, however, in that she was essentially just a perfect weapon with only revenge as her motivation, so I had a hard time empathizing with her as a character.  Just my opinion.

Third place is awarded to STUPOT+ for Catch 44 (9 points).  Stupot+ is such a classy guy that he actually voted himself out of second place just before voting closed: cheers to you, sir!  I liked the premise of your story, and the ending was clever and thought provoking.  Again, though, I was left with the sense that Simon was flat in that his character was entirely based around his single-minded literal interpretation of language.  I get bits and pieces of the broader picture: he has friends, ambitions, and a generous spirit, but no sense of how he dealt with these through the lens of his ...condition.  So I wonder how he would have even got to Beachy Head, instead of being held up indefinitely at a stop sign, for example.  Something to think about, anyway. 

Sorry, I got to more critiquing and less praising than I'd wanted: I nitpick because I love! Good efforts all around, and I look forward to even bigger and better stories next time around when Sinitrena sets the next theme.  Until next time, keep your pen handy: you never know when inspiration might strike!

[Sinitrena]

I will add my voice to those of your admirers above by saying how fascinated I was with the story world you created in such a short text.  I could easily read a whole series based in that world.  Also, I thought your decision to have the narrative as a bar story was inspired, as it really made the story arc more suspenseful while allowing you to introduce more colour to the world.  A great effort, and your victory is well deserved!  Congratulations!

Thank you, thank you very much. I'll sure let you know should I ever write another story in this world. And also thanks to everyone who voted for me.

A great turnout to a great topic. Good stories all around. I hope to see you all in the next round.

[Ghost]

Congrats, everyone! That was a fun round!

[Stupot]

Good game, folks. Well don'e 'Trena
Thanks for the Crit, Baron. I did consider the possibility of tactical voting, but I thought 'What would Simon do?'  He'd vote for the one that was his favourite because that's the rules and it's the right thing to do.  No trip to Beachy Head for me today